Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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