A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
At least life still wants to fuck me.