I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?