I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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