made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...