Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(740): View more from Ohio

Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics

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(212): View more from New York

He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"

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(231): View more from Michigan

I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.

(906): View more from Michigan

so you're not coming in to work today?

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"

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If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Read it at the TFLN blog
(207): View more from Maine

he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead

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(561): View more from Florida

I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!

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(303): View more from Colorado

No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.

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