How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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