Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.