the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
