My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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