Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
