I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
