I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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