Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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