i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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