once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
