Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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