Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
