we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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