I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
