that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
