piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
