Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
