Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
