I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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