Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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