They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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