Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
