If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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