Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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