Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
