You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
