8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
