I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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