I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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