I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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