even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
