Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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