I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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