onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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