the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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