I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
