2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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