Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
