Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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