My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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