yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
