If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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