dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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