The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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