Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
