The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
