Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
