dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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