You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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