So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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