We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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