i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
