I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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