I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
