Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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