Porn is love you can see.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
