Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
