your parents love me but you hate me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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