i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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