just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
