that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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