did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
