Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
