I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
being pregnant is like rehab
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
