is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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