i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
