OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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