I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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