Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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