don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
