6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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