He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
